JP for rent
I was recently privileged and honored to preside over the wedding of Gregg Snider, annd Heather Vallee. Gregg has been a friend almost since the moment I arrived in Boston 18 years ago, and his family has welcomed mine as we've all come to welcome Heather. Anyway, here's the ceremony.
The Marriage of Heather Vallee and Gregg Snider
13 October 2007
(Chris) Welcome. Please be seated.
Dear friends, this is the happiest of evenings. We have gathered here to witness and to celebrate the marriage of Gregg and Heather. We have come from far and near, from a variety of backgrounds and circumstances, united today by our feelings for this couple. We are their nearest and dearest, families and friends, and each of us here today gives an added dimension of meaning and joy to this occasion.
I am humbly honored to help guide this ceremony along, and I cannot tell you how deeply moved I was when I was asked to officiate. (It was over sushi – no surprise there, folks.) I’ve known Gregg and his family for 18 years, and through him, we’ve come to know and welcome Heather for the last few years.
What we ask you to witness today is the entry into the world of this union. We do not here unite them, for Gregg and Heather have done that together, already, by their love. Their commitment and their joining is their sacrament, and we are privileged and blessed to welcome their marriage today.
A few comments on wedding cultures and traditions… While preparing for today, I did a little background reading on the subject. You’ll hear more later about our adaptation of an element of Jewish tradition, but here are a few others:
Indian weddings can last as long as 15 days. (Get comfortable.) On the day of the wedding, the entire event starts off with musicians playing. Guests remove their shoes, sprinkle red powder onto the couple’s forehead as an act of blessing, followed by rice grains.
One of the most important concepts of Indonesian weddings is “the more the merrier.” Literally every friend, acquaintance, colleague and business partner could be invited to the wedding. Even if someone did not receive an invitation personally addressed to him/her, it is ok to go to an Indonesian wedding if invited by a group of people who were invited.
In Japan, one may not eat the main meal until the toast (“Kampai”); after the couple has made a grand entrance, they will open a barrel of sake that is served for toasting, thus marking the beginning of the feast. In modern times, karaoke is particularly popular.
In colonial America, white was not the standard color for bridal gowns. Also, rather than tossing a bouquet to figure out who would marry next, they would bake a hard piece of nutmeg into the cake. Whoever bit down on it would get married next. Often to a dentist.
Ancient Celtic traditions of breaking bread have led to a modern Irish tradition of cutting the cake over the bride’s head at the reception. It is also considered good luck to take a different route leaving the church than arriving at the church. This signifies that life is different now for the bride and groom.
Reading
This reading is taken from Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
When our two souls stand up erect and strong,
Face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher,
Until the lengthening wings break into fire
At either curved point, — what bitter wrong
Can the earth do us, that we should not long
Be here contented! Think. In mounting higher,
The angels would press on us and aspire
To drop some golden orb of perfect song
Into our deep, dear silence. Let us stay
Rather on earth, Beloved — where the unfit
Contrarious moods of men recoil away
And isolate pure spirits, and permit
A place to stand and love in for a day...
Instruction
(Chris) They say its customary for an officiant to offer advice to the new couple.
Oh, I don’t know where to start. Today is one of the highlights of your life, but you don’t need me to tell you to treasure today. Instead, find a way to treasure the ordinary. The everyday. The rainy Tuesday. A day running errands. A meal with nothing special. Always remember to be grateful for the little things, never linger on your grievances, and never go to bed without saying, and meaning, I love you.
Now, Scott Flemming will play a musical selection chosen specially for the evening.
[Marc Cohen song]
The couple have chosen to create and share their vows to each other.Vows
(Gregg) Heather…
For our vows, I want to pay you the highest compliment I can give. You’ve made me a better person than I was before I knew you, and I’m a better person beside you than without you.
Your caring and generosity have made me more caring and more generous. Your warmth and gentle humor makes me smile and laugh. Your loyalty to family and friends inspires me. Your taste and style grace our home and everything we do together. Your spirit makes me happy, and your arms around me make everything seem right in the world. Your beauty takes my breath away.
As we exchange vows and rings, I make these promises to you:
I will cook your favorite meals, and pick up BBQ when we’re too tired to cook
I take you on shortcake walks that end with ice cream, and nature walks with inspiring vistas
We will find paint colors we both like, before we’re too old to paint
I will always stop for coffee
I will hold you hand when you’re happy, sad, scared or upset, and provide a broad shoulder to lean on whenever you need one
I promise to share the ups and downs, the highs and lows, as gracefully as you do
I promise to listen…and to hear
I promise to be your best friend, companion, and lover til the end
With you, I will walk my path from this day forward.
Gregg gives ring to Heather
(Heather) My Gregg,
You are so beautiful, I still feel that little catch of breath when you walk across a room. I feel butterflies when you hold my hand, and when you hold me tight, I feel that everything is possible, and that no matter what happens, we can make it through together.
You are my best friend: You make me feel safe when I'm scared, help me laugh when I am sad, comfort me when I am hurting.
You may be my rock, but it will be I who will defend you. I will support your choices and work with you to solve problems. I promise you that I will listen, and give you my undivided attention. I will be honest, and share my feelings, my ideas and my dreams with you.
I promise to love you and to be your partner, for as long as I live.
Heather gives ring to Gregg
Closing
(Chris) In conclusion, I offer a brief prayer adapted from the Apache wedding chant.
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life inside you.
Go now to your dwelling to enter the days of your life together.
And may your days be good, and long upon the earth.
Now, the ritual most widely associated with a Jewish wedding is the breaking of the glass. This dramatic moment makes the beginning of the couple’s life together. There are many interpretations. To some it represents a definitive act that can not be undone. Once broken, the glass is changed forever and cannot be put back to its original form. Gregg and Heather, you lives change today by this joining, this union before all or your loved ones. This world is changed for you in ways both large and small, just as your bond and your love will deepen and grow through all the days of your life.
Others explain that this is the last time the groom gets to put his foot down. Oh yeah, and it’s also your cue to shout mazel tov! CRASH!
Therefore, by the power vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts I pronounce you husband and wife.
[The Wedding Kiss.]
Recessional
The Marriage of Heather Vallee and Gregg Snider
13 October 2007
(Chris) Welcome. Please be seated.
Dear friends, this is the happiest of evenings. We have gathered here to witness and to celebrate the marriage of Gregg and Heather. We have come from far and near, from a variety of backgrounds and circumstances, united today by our feelings for this couple. We are their nearest and dearest, families and friends, and each of us here today gives an added dimension of meaning and joy to this occasion.
I am humbly honored to help guide this ceremony along, and I cannot tell you how deeply moved I was when I was asked to officiate. (It was over sushi – no surprise there, folks.) I’ve known Gregg and his family for 18 years, and through him, we’ve come to know and welcome Heather for the last few years.
What we ask you to witness today is the entry into the world of this union. We do not here unite them, for Gregg and Heather have done that together, already, by their love. Their commitment and their joining is their sacrament, and we are privileged and blessed to welcome their marriage today.
A few comments on wedding cultures and traditions… While preparing for today, I did a little background reading on the subject. You’ll hear more later about our adaptation of an element of Jewish tradition, but here are a few others:
Indian weddings can last as long as 15 days. (Get comfortable.) On the day of the wedding, the entire event starts off with musicians playing. Guests remove their shoes, sprinkle red powder onto the couple’s forehead as an act of blessing, followed by rice grains.
One of the most important concepts of Indonesian weddings is “the more the merrier.” Literally every friend, acquaintance, colleague and business partner could be invited to the wedding. Even if someone did not receive an invitation personally addressed to him/her, it is ok to go to an Indonesian wedding if invited by a group of people who were invited.
In Japan, one may not eat the main meal until the toast (“Kampai”); after the couple has made a grand entrance, they will open a barrel of sake that is served for toasting, thus marking the beginning of the feast. In modern times, karaoke is particularly popular.
In colonial America, white was not the standard color for bridal gowns. Also, rather than tossing a bouquet to figure out who would marry next, they would bake a hard piece of nutmeg into the cake. Whoever bit down on it would get married next. Often to a dentist.
Ancient Celtic traditions of breaking bread have led to a modern Irish tradition of cutting the cake over the bride’s head at the reception. It is also considered good luck to take a different route leaving the church than arriving at the church. This signifies that life is different now for the bride and groom.
Reading
This reading is taken from Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
When our two souls stand up erect and strong,
Face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher,
Until the lengthening wings break into fire
At either curved point, — what bitter wrong
Can the earth do us, that we should not long
Be here contented! Think. In mounting higher,
The angels would press on us and aspire
To drop some golden orb of perfect song
Into our deep, dear silence. Let us stay
Rather on earth, Beloved — where the unfit
Contrarious moods of men recoil away
And isolate pure spirits, and permit
A place to stand and love in for a day...
Instruction
(Chris) They say its customary for an officiant to offer advice to the new couple.
Oh, I don’t know where to start. Today is one of the highlights of your life, but you don’t need me to tell you to treasure today. Instead, find a way to treasure the ordinary. The everyday. The rainy Tuesday. A day running errands. A meal with nothing special. Always remember to be grateful for the little things, never linger on your grievances, and never go to bed without saying, and meaning, I love you.
Now, Scott Flemming will play a musical selection chosen specially for the evening.
[Marc Cohen song]
The couple have chosen to create and share their vows to each other.Vows
(Gregg) Heather…
For our vows, I want to pay you the highest compliment I can give. You’ve made me a better person than I was before I knew you, and I’m a better person beside you than without you.
Your caring and generosity have made me more caring and more generous. Your warmth and gentle humor makes me smile and laugh. Your loyalty to family and friends inspires me. Your taste and style grace our home and everything we do together. Your spirit makes me happy, and your arms around me make everything seem right in the world. Your beauty takes my breath away.
As we exchange vows and rings, I make these promises to you:
I will cook your favorite meals, and pick up BBQ when we’re too tired to cook
I take you on shortcake walks that end with ice cream, and nature walks with inspiring vistas
We will find paint colors we both like, before we’re too old to paint
I will always stop for coffee
I will hold you hand when you’re happy, sad, scared or upset, and provide a broad shoulder to lean on whenever you need one
I promise to share the ups and downs, the highs and lows, as gracefully as you do
I promise to listen…and to hear
I promise to be your best friend, companion, and lover til the end
With you, I will walk my path from this day forward.
Gregg gives ring to Heather
(Heather) My Gregg,
You are so beautiful, I still feel that little catch of breath when you walk across a room. I feel butterflies when you hold my hand, and when you hold me tight, I feel that everything is possible, and that no matter what happens, we can make it through together.
You are my best friend: You make me feel safe when I'm scared, help me laugh when I am sad, comfort me when I am hurting.
You may be my rock, but it will be I who will defend you. I will support your choices and work with you to solve problems. I promise you that I will listen, and give you my undivided attention. I will be honest, and share my feelings, my ideas and my dreams with you.
I promise to love you and to be your partner, for as long as I live.
Heather gives ring to Gregg
Closing
(Chris) In conclusion, I offer a brief prayer adapted from the Apache wedding chant.
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life inside you.
Go now to your dwelling to enter the days of your life together.
And may your days be good, and long upon the earth.
Now, the ritual most widely associated with a Jewish wedding is the breaking of the glass. This dramatic moment makes the beginning of the couple’s life together. There are many interpretations. To some it represents a definitive act that can not be undone. Once broken, the glass is changed forever and cannot be put back to its original form. Gregg and Heather, you lives change today by this joining, this union before all or your loved ones. This world is changed for you in ways both large and small, just as your bond and your love will deepen and grow through all the days of your life.
Others explain that this is the last time the groom gets to put his foot down. Oh yeah, and it’s also your cue to shout mazel tov! CRASH!
Therefore, by the power vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts I pronounce you husband and wife.
[The Wedding Kiss.]
Recessional
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